Humility and Pride: The Unceasing Battle

Sometimes I feel like trying to be humble is like trying to dig out a very strong weed that has made its home in the garden of my heart. I’ll have brought out a whole arsenal of tools, shovels, picks, the works, and I’ll spend ages hacking away at the Pride that has made its home there. When it seems I've done it, like I've pulled it out all the way to the root, I’ll put away the tools and go about my business thanking God for my triumph over pride. Little do I know that, like all weeds, it has already begun to sprout anew. It is so incredibly frustrating to turn my attention back to “the garden” and realize that the weed is as firmly rooted as it’s ever been.
Recently I had an experience like that. My particular brand of Pride is the desire to be preferred. I love to know that I am a favorite, that people seek out my company or advice. It’s been that way ever since I was little. When I was in high school and taking dance classes, nothing motivated me more than being held up as an example for the other kids by my teachers. I absolutely thrilled to be set apart. As I got older though, I realized how unhealthy that attitude was for me. Not that being set apart or praised is a bad thing at all, but to need it to be motivated to work hard I realized was setting me up for failure.

This pride made me very prone to jealousy, which I have always considered a very unattractive trait in a person. So I worked to overcome it. I made myself ask for advice from some of the better dancers in my class. I began to look at myself outside of competition of others, and discovered that I liked who I was becoming. I had pulled the weed. The thing with pride though, is that it will never ever be truly purged from us, as I unhappily discovered this month. I experienced feelings of jealousy, the desire to be preferred, to be set apart, just as badly as when I was in high school. As if all that work I did was for nothing, it was happening all over again.
So what’s the deal? If we can’t be truly rid of our pride how can we ever succeed? Here’s my thought of the week: The key to success is not eradicating pride from our lives, it will always crop back up. The key is recognizing your particular manifestations of pride and constantly, vigilantly looking out for it. Learn about yourself, about what you struggle with. Take time to reflect on what causes you to fall into pride. What are some ways you can overcome it? Most importantly, what is the fear that is the true root of the problem? For me it was fear of failure as a friend, of turning out to be average, of being forgotten. We must bring these fears before Christ and ask him to heal us. For all these fears are unfounded, He alone will fulfill us.
Today let us reflect on how pride causes us to put ourselves before God and before others. In what way do you struggle with Pride? Give yourself time to reflect on the following prayer, and offer to God your fears as they make themselves known. May we grow ever closer to Jesus in holy perfection, one small step at a time.



Litany of Humility (to overcome pride, and for power in prayer)

O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, R/deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, R/
From the desire of being extolled, R/
From the desire of being honored, R/
From the desire of being praised, R/
From the desire of being preferred to others, R/
From the desire of being consulted, R/
From the desire of being approved, R/
From the fear of being humiliated, R/
From the fear of being despised, R/
From the fear of suffering rebukes, R/
From the fear of being calumniated, R/
From the fear of being forgotten, R/
From the fear of being wronged, R/
From the fear of being suspected, R/

That others may be loved more than I, R/Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, R/
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, R/
That others may be chosen and I set aside, R/
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, R/
That others may be preferred to me in everything, R/
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, R/