Humility and Social Status: An Appeal to the Ladies

Ladies I want to talk to you for a few minutes about our seemingly insatiable desire for status. What I mean by status is that deep desire to be thought of as important, in some way or another. We want to be thought of as pretty, not just pretty, but prettier then so and so. We want to be thought of as knowledgeable in areas of our interest, but not just knowledgeable, more knowledgeable then that other person. We want to be known as the only confidant of our friend, the sweetest sister in law, the girl who makes the most delicious cookies, the girl who would never be seen wearing anything but the latest fashions, made the best speech, earned the most money for charity, has the most amazing boyfriend, fiancé, engagement ring, are you sensing the problem here?  Why do we do this to ourselves? Why is it so important that we are better than other people?

I don’t know why we do it, all I know is that it is that way. Maybe some of us have developed more discipline to fight the tendency than others but it’s still there. As human beings we are broken, and as women in particular, we have a deep and abiding need to be loved, to be held up as something special. This makes it extremely difficult to bear feeling unwanted or less important. I’m sure you’ve all experienced it. So we fight it off! We scramble for status, cat fighting among ourselves.

Our worth then lies in what we can see, what we can take. We must create it for ourselves. We must be the best at something, the most knowledgeable, the one that is liked most by friends, teachers, peers. Popularity becomes extremely important. This brings behavior like gossiping, bringing other women down verbally in order to elevate ourselves. Underhanded comments are also extremely useful in the frantic climb up the social ladder.

“Wasn’t that party last weekend just THE BEST?! Anyone who was anyone was there!” in the direct earshot of the person who wasn’t invited.

 Between two acquaintances about a mutual friend “Well when you’ve known her as long as I have you’ll start to pick up on these things.”

Leaving people out of a conversation, talking about things others know nothing about, I could go on and on.  All these examples are ways in which people (particularly us women) try to gain status to make up for the fact that we feel inadequate. We climb the status ladder, trying to feel that we are worth something, that we are accepted and loved. Ladies, I’m here today to tell you, it’s ugly, it’s beneath us, and it’s time to recognize where real status comes from.

Consider this: Humility is the only real way to gain status. Look at this passage from Luke14: 7-11:

   7"When he noticed how the guests chose the places of honor, he told them a parable. 8 “When you are invited by someone to a wedding banquet, do not sit down at the place of honor, in case someone more distinguished than you has been invited by your host; 9 and the host who invited both of you may come and say to you, ‘Give this person your place,’ and then in disgrace you would start to take the lowest place. 10 But when you are invited, go and sit down at the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher’; then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. 11 For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Status, like respect, cannot be forcibly taken. It is a gift and as such must be given freely. When we are humble, we do not expect to be exalted, we do not seek to be higher, better, more perfect than anyone else. When we put ourselves at the lower end of the table, we protect ourselves from arrogance and open ourselves for the opportunity to be raised up. Not only that, but we exalt every other person at that table by taking the lowest spot. Jesus says that we should not seek to be honored over anyone else, that honor will be given only if we are willing to lower ourselves. This is true status, when it is gained by humility.

Consider also that in the parable, everyone would have seen the arrogant guest take his place at the head and then be forced to move lower. People know when others are trying to pull status, and it actually lowers their status! So if you’re the victim of a ladder climber, remember that its painfully obvious to everyone in the room, and rest assured that this person is making them self look like a fool all on their own. No further action is required. Keep your status in tact, and gracefully and with kindness remove yourself from the situation. I guarantee you’ll be glad you did, and you will be respected for your actions, even if no one says a word about it.  

Perhaps most importantly we must remember that our true worth comes from God alone. Nothing we can do here on earth makes us worthy of His love, yet He loves us anyway. Gods’ word is. God said “Let there be light” and then it was. He told Lazarus to rise up from the dead and He did. So when Jesus says that he loves us, and stretches himself out on the cross to prove it, we have no reason to believe that it isn’t so.

Without a close relationship with Christ we don’t feel that amazing sense of peace and compassionate love that He has for us! Despite all our flaws and shortcomings, no matter how poorly we feel about ourselves, if we know Jesus we have this knowledge that He loves us anyway, that we are still worth something to Him. With this knowledge we are able to pull ourselves back to our feet and keep going, knowing that at least to Him we are precious and valuable, and knowing that in the end, He is the only one who matters anyway.

 So act with humility that you might not be humiliated, respond with kindness when you might prefer a sharp remark; if you can do this, your true status will soar. 

Questions? Comments? Leave a comment or email me at daniellejcurl@gmail.com